Love, Loss and Living On

I've experienced different types of loss over the past 15 years.  It's shaped me.  Sometimes it moves me, sometimes I move it.  I feared I was going to become a bitter “life is loss” old lady with 15 cats and a hump back.  I was close to that place, I felt it, I held it, I took comfort along the edges of it.  But early this year I made a life changing decision.  I was tired of talk therapy and medications.  It was time to try something new - EMDR treatments (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).  After only 4 sessions, my seven years of oppressive grief had lifted.  I am able to think about and write about my loss without re-experiencing it.  If you have suffered from any type of trauma (mine was a combination of many “small t” traumas), strongly recommend you look into this treatment.  It has literally changed my perspective on life, and in doing so has changed my ability to live. 

Writing has become my passion again, a passion that was lost a long time ago.  I remember life before my kids as shiny and fairy tale-ish.  I am a fairy tale nut, and so I have reflected on the last 15 years as such.

 

My tale begins 15 years ago, in a land not so far away... (in fact I still live in the same town I was born)...

Part 1 - in which everything is wonderful.

Once upon a time there was a strong, confident, sexy young woman who worked at the local rape crisis centre.  She organized large, successful fundraising events, managed an office of seven busy women, and provided peer counselling to other young women.  She married her high school sweetheart, they bought a house, and were trying to have a baby. 

All was good. 

Part 2 - in which all hope seems lost. 

It turns out her Prince was a Queen, and married his own Prince Charming.  They remained good friends, and she stayed a part of his larger family (for after 10 years, one cannot casually cut people out of one's life).

But, the confident young woman was broken, lost her way and her faith in Fate - perhaps everything didn't happen for a reason...

She spent months rebuilding herself, learning what SHE wanted, what HER priorities were.  She surrounded herself with other strong, confident women and eventually the pieces came back together.  She felt good, strong and healthy. 

Love at first sight seemed a fanciful myth, one that she could not imagine would happen to her - but it did.  She met another Prince (who definitely liked princesses), with the help of a newly established internet dating site. 

The girl did not want to marry again, but all was good and all were happy, and the kingdom rejoiced. 

Until the Prince’s mother and the girls grandmother both fell gravely ill. 

During this difficult time the girl became pregnant - and this was good, for it gave each family hope and

all looked a little brighter.  The girl was glowing and happy and proud to be able to bring this hope to the families. 

But then, with no warning or sign, after five months of being a part of the girl, the baby died.  A part of the girl died as did the hope the girl had carried.  She was broken again.  The glue holding her together

deteriorated.  How does one fix a vase that has already been mended? 

She lived in grayness the Prince took good care of her and three months later, when his mother died, her fog lifted enough so that she could take care of him, for that is what one does.

The week of the funeral came, and with it the bittersweet joy of another pregnancy.  They married before Prince Damian was born, and drank to his mother, for she had greatly wanted the grandchild, and to see her son married.

All was well once more.

Two years passed and the girl attended two more funerals, lost another baby, and a second prince was born, Prince Dexter.  A month after the second prince was born, the girl’s father became very ill.  She returned to work, only to lose her job after two months. 

Loss seemed to follow the girl. Loss of love, of child, of family.  Loss of job, of friendships and of self. 

Part 3 - in which a light starts to form from within the darkness.

Seven years passed from her first miscarriage before she found a way out of the darkness.  For seven years there has been a ghost living with her, growing older each year.  A ghost of (perhaps) a little princess who would have been a big sister to Prince Damian.  The hole inside the girl will never be filled.  But, with help it has been patched and holds still. 

The girl started to write again, to find herself again.  Her father battles his illness with bravery and dignity, and her mother is a strength unto herself. 

The girl’s life is nothing like she had imagined it would be.  Her boys are funny, caring and healthy, they challenge and press her but also give her great joy and comfort.  

Her Prince, now her King, is by her side still making her laugh and taking care of her. 

And life (after her kids) is good.  As it should be, and as it will be. 

I originally published this post at http://www.journeysofthezoo.com as a guest blogger.

Reading Rocks: Blast From The Past

"There is more treasure in books than in 

all the pirate's loot on Treasure Island." — Walt Disney

One of the greatest joys is reading books to your kids that were read to you as a child.  My love of fantasy and action stories (and movies) comes from my father.  Before bed he would tell me the story of The Hobbit - no book, but the images created in my mind have stayed with me my whole life.  To this day I collect copies of The Hobbit for my shelf.  

Bedtime was a time of laughter and stories at my house.  Here are three "classics" that have stood the test of time for me (and my kids). 

Come Over To My House 

by: Theo LeSing (aka Dr. Seuss) 

Originally published in 1966, the story follows a little boy who travels the world as he is invited to friends homes in different countries.  Although the countries are hyper-stereotyped (circa 1960's:  e.g. his friend in the arctic lives in an igloo), the message of friendship across the world and regardless (or perhaps because) of culture comes through loud and clear.     

The Big Honey Hunt

by: Stan & Jan Berenstain

Before the cartoon, before the series of paperback books, even before Sister Bear, there was Mama, Papa and Little Bear (later re-named Brother).  This was a book I learned to read by way of an accompanying audio book.  The story follows Little Bear and Papa as they follow a bee to find honey for their honey pot.   The rhyming is fun and I personally love how Mama is ALWAYS right in the end  :)

Fox in Socks
by:  Dr. Suess
If you think you are good at reading tongue twisters out loud - give this a try!  It's one of the most difficult books to read out loud (in the proper rhythm).  My kids beg me to read it to them and laugh when I get the words mixed up.  By the end of the book I'm usually out of breath.  It's super fun, and super memorable.  Check out this You Tube video to see the "proper way" to read it: Fox on Socks amateur video

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Blue Monday - The MOST depressing day of the year...(annually)

So - I'm back! In order to spare you all from my annual December lamentation, I decided to not blog for a month.  I'm sure you all had lots of nice, warm, fuzzy Christmas and New Year posts to read and keep you busy... but now back to business!

Have you ever heard of Blue Monday? It's the 3rd Monday in January.  Apparently it's the most depressing day of the year.  In 2005 (as part of a publicity campaign by Sky Travel), a (pseudoscientific) mathematical equation was developed to determine the most depressing day of the year:

Information taken from Wikipidia

The formula is:

where weather=W, debt=d, time since Christmas=T, time since failing our new year’s resolutions=Q, low motivational levels=M and the feeling of a need to take action=N_a. 'D' is not defined in the release, nor are units.

The date was calculated by using many factors, including: weather conditions, debt level (the difference between debt accumulated and our ability to pay), time since Christmas, time since failing our new year’s resolutions, low motivational levels and feeling of a need to take action. 

Check out the Blue Monday website: BlueMonday.org


SO - prior to January 21, 2013 spend some time making a list of things you're grateful for, of the fabulous people in your life, and of all the fun things you will do in the year to come!  Then, on the evening of January 20th tape the list to the mirror you look at first in the morning (bathroom, bedroom, hallway) and start Blue Monday off on a positive thought!



I also recommend the following for quick pick-me-ups:

• Watch stand-up comedy
• Look up images of cute cats and dogs - like this one: Funny cat
• Go to You Tube and watch cute videos of cats and dogs doing funny things - like this: Ultimate Dog Tease
• Eat chocolate
• Go for a walk

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Reading Rocks: My Fav Kid's author (for now)

"So please, oh PLEASE, we beg, we pray, Go throw your TV set away, 

And in its place you can install, A lovely bookshelf on the wall."

— Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

As you are well aware by now, I LOVE kid's books.  There is something magical and nostalgic about reading a story to someone who has never heard the tale before.  As my boys have grown, I have discovered MANY MANY great authors.  For a long while my favorite children's author was Sandra Boynton.  Once my eldest turned four I discovered (quite by accident at a library book sale) the UK's Julia Donaldson.  You may know her from her bestseller The Gruffalo.  I had never heard of the Gruffalo, but I found the book Monkey Puzzle (re-named I've lost my Mom in North America) and fell in love with Julia's prose and rhythm.

Here are 3 books by Julia Donaldson that I read out loud more for myself then for my boys:

Monkey Puzzle

Little Monkey has lost him Mum.  A friendly butterfly helps him find her, 

but not before getting it wrong a few times.

Room On The Broom

By far my all-time favorite kid's book!  (as a side note, it was turned into a short stage production in Ontario). The Witch keeps losing her belongings (wand, hat, bow) only to find help from some friendly critters below.  A beautiful, fun story about friendship.

Charlie Cook's Favorite Book

It's great to get lost in a book.  Each character Charlie reads about
in his favorite book has a book of their own that they love to read.

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Reading Rocks: It's good to be YOU!

"So please, oh PLEASE, we beg, we pray, Go throw your TV set away, 

And in its place you can install, A lovely bookshelf on the wall."

— Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Every week I post a list of 3 books to read to your kids. Buy them, borrow them, read them cherish them, share them.


This week's list represents a handful of my favorite "be yourself" books.  These are fun to read, and great for boys and girls, ages 3+

I Wish That I Had Duck Feet 

by Theo LeSieg (aka Dr. Seuss)

This is one of my favorite books to read out loud.  

As Theo LeSieg, Dr. Seuss was able to write in a
different voice (no made up words or places in this book).  

The beat and rhythm of the verse is fun and catchy.  

Follow the little boy as he thinks about all the things he'd like 

to have only to realize the best thing to be is... himself!

A Porcupine Named Fluffy

by: Helen Lester

Find out what happens when Fluffy (the porcupine) trys to be more... fluffy.  

Hilarious and heartwarming.   

Moosetache

by: Margie Palatini

Try and try as he might, Moose can't do ANYTHING about is unruly mustache.
By the end he discovers he's not the only one with this problem... and that's ok.

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More than just MOvember!

November has become well known as "Movember", a month when men across North America grow a moustache in order to raise awareness of Prostate Cancer.  Awesome!  It's a fun, un-intimidating way to get guys (and gals) to talk about one of the "invisible" cancers.

There are many (MANY) other worthy and important awareness campaigns out there.  I invite you to pass on what you learn here and to help raise awareness among your circles for at least 2 lesser known causes each month.  Everyone (well most people) knows about MOvember - but did you know November is also Stomach Cancer Awareness Month in the US?  Osteoporosis Month in Canada?  

Let's give the other causes a bit of a boost this year, and tweet, FB Google+ (etc, etc) about them too!

(Doing my research on November Campaigns lead me to the conclusion that there are just TOO MANY International campaigns out there to list on my little blog.  SO - I've decided to list Canadian and USA campaigns on a monthly basis for your information). 

*Note: I downloaded this jpg and am therefore unable to make additions/changes.
Please leave a comment below if you notice a cause/colour missing. 

Canadian Awareness Campaigns:

(as listed by www.CharityVillage.org)

Full Month:

• 4-H Month; National; 4-H Canada
• Amaryllis Month; National; Huntington Society of Canada
• Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitation Awareness Month; National; Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada
• Crohn's Disease and Colitis Awareness Month; National; Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of Canada
• Diabetes Month; National; Canadian Diabetes Association
• Family Violence Prevention Month; Alberta; Government of Alberta
• Incontinence Awareness Month; National; Canadian Continence Foundation
• Lung Cancer Awareness Month; National; Lung Cancer Canada
• Movember (Prostate Cancer Awareness); National; Movember Canada
• National Community Safety and Crime Prevention Campaign; National;Canada Safety Council
• Osteoporosis Month; National; Osteoporosis Society of Canada
• Pulmonary Hypertension Awareness Month; National; PHA Canada
• Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month; National; Pancreatic Cancer Canada
• Woman Abuse Prevention Month; Ontario; Ministry of Citizenship
• World Quality Month; International; World Quality Month

Weeks:

• First: Canadian Patient Safety Week; National; Canadian Patient Safety Institute
• First: Media Literacy Week; National; Media Awareness Network
• First: Medical Radiation Technoligists Awareness Week; National;Canadian Association of Medical Radiation Technologists
• First: National Down Syndrome Awareness Week; National; Canadian Down Syndrome Society
• First: National Pain Awareness Week; National; Canadian Pain Coalition
• First: Veterans' Week; National; Veterans Affairs Canada
• Second: Canadian Hockey Week; National; Canadian Hockey Association
• Second: National Addiction Awareness Week; National; Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse
• Second: National Seniors' Safety Week; National; Canada Safety Council
• Third: Bullying Awareness Week; National; www.bullying.org
• Third: Restorative Justice Week; National; Correctional Service Canada
• Third: National Marfan Awareness Week; National; Canadian Marfan Association
• November 25 - December 6: White Ribbon Campaign; National; The White Ribbon Campaign (men against men's violence against women)

Days:

• 5: International Volunteer Manager Appreciation Day; International; IVMA Day
• 14: World Diabetes Day; International; Canadian Diabetes Association
• 15: International PEN Day of the Imprisoned Writer; International;PEN Canada
• 16: International Day of Tolerance; International; UN
• 19: World Day for Prevention of Abuse and Violence against Children; International; Women's World Summit Foundation
• 20: Universal Children's Day; International; UN
• 23: International Buy Nothing Day; International; The Commons
• 25: International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women; International; UN
• 29: International Day of Solidarity with the Palestinian People; International; UN

United States of America:

(as listed by Wikipedia) 

Full Month:

• Movember
• National American Indian & Alaska Native Heritage Month COPD Awareness Month
• National Stomach Cancer Awareness Month
• Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month
• National Alzheimers Awareness Month
• American Diabetes Awareness Month
• Lung Cancer Awareness Month
• Prematurity Awareness Month
• National Adoption Awareness Month
• National Family Caregivers Month

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My Journey to The Zoo

I'm excited to announce that I will be featured on the blog:  Journeys of The Zoo for the month of November!  Sarah asked me to write a piece for her "I Am Canadian" Feature and Linky about me and my blog.

It’s difficult to write about yourself.  It’s also difficult to write about why I write and blog.  I could say it’s an “outlet”, but that really doesn't capture the emotions and satisfaction I get from writing about the things and people that bring joy to my life. 

My blog isn’t a “touchy-feely, I’m so lucky to have …” nor is it a soapbox for my life’s laments, nor is it strictly a product review and PR site.  

I find humor in life after my kids; in their reactions to situations, in my reactions to them; I find comfort knowing that I’m not the only parent who feels like it’s often harder than it should be and so I share my stories.  I also like to pass on knowledge that I’ve found helpful, or recommend books or products that have made my day a bit brighter or easier.  These are the things I blog about.

There’s a “gratitude” philosophy that has been building in North America.  I tried keeping a “gratitude journal”, only to find that to be truly grateful for what I have, I needed to reflect on what I've lost. 

I have experienced different types of loss in the past 12 years.  It’s shaped me.  Sometimes it moves me, sometimes I move it.  I feared I was going to become a bitter “life is loss” old lady with 15 cats and a hump back.  I was close to that place, I felt it, I held it, I took comfort along the edges of it.

Early this year I made a life changing decision.  I was tired of talk therapy and medications.  It was time to try something new - EMDR treatments (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).  After only 4 sessions, my seven years of oppressive grief lifted.  I am able to think about and write about my loss without re-experiencing it.  If you have suffered from any type of trauma (mine was a combination of many “small t” traumas), I strongly recommend you look into this treatment.  It has literally changed my perspective on life, and in doing so has changed my ability to live. 

Writing has become my passion again, a passion that was lost a long time ago.  I remember life before my kids as "shiney and fairy tale-ish".  I am a fairy tale nut, and so I have reflected on the last 15 years as such.

My tale begins 15 years ago, in a land not so far away... (to read my fairy tale on Journeys of The Zoo click here)

Personally I think we look happier and healthier AFTER kids!

Reading Rocks: Body Books

"The more that you read, the more things you will know. 

The more you learn, the more places you'll go."

— Dr. Seuss, "I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!"

Every week I post a list of 3 books to read to your kids. Buy them, borrow them, read them cherish them, share them.

When my son turned three he started asking about bones and blood and skeletons.  Trying to find interesting books that explain how the body works in an honest (kid-friendly) way was a bit tougher than I anticipated.  Here are my top three picks for books on how the body works:

Me And My Amazing Body 
by Joan Sweeney 

I read this to my curious 3 year old.
How does the body work? This book explains the basics:
skin, skeleton, muscles, brain, blood, heart, lungs, stomach
(no "privates" in this one).

Amazing You! (Getting Smart About Your Private Parts)
by Dr. Gail Saltz

Take your little one to the next "level".
At about 4-5 years old my boys started asking me why girls don't
have penises, and what are the round things under their privates?
This is the perfect intro into the physical differences between
girls and boys (read it all or only pages that are relevant to their questions).

The Human Body - Lift The Flap and Learn 

by Pascale Hedelin and Robert Barborini
Best "all around" body book.  This is great for ages 4+.
Lift the flaps to see a baby inside the mommy,
pull the tabs to watch body parts change as you age,
touch and feel to learn about the five senses.
Not a "story" format but interactive and fun.

Do you have recommendations for books to read to kids?  Comment below and I may feature them in the weeks to come!

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Reading Rocks! 3 Books to read with your kids this weekend

"Children are made readers on the laps of their parents." 
- Emilie Buchwald

Every Thursday I will post a list of 3 books to read to your kids.   Buy them, borrow them, read them cherish them, share them.

With Halloween closing in, this week's round-up has a spooky(ish) theme:

Goodnight Goon by Michael Rex

A parody of Margaret Wise Brown's classic bedtime story.

Big Pumpkin by Erica Silverman

Even a small creature can solve a big problem

Boo by Robert Munsch

How scary is YOUR Halloween make-up.  

You and your kids will get a kick out of this fun story. 

Do you have recommendations for books to read to kids?  Comment below and I may just post them next week!

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October Awareness Campaigns - holy crap!

According to Wikipedia, there are LOTS of things to commemorate each month, all over the world, throughout the entire year!  I had to add Canada's National Brain Tumour Awareness Month to October's list, so I am sure there are other causes that have been missed.   

Maybe we need an awareness month to spread awareness about Awareness Months.

(In 2005, my Mother-in-law died of a brain tumour, to read about this type of hidden cancer and her story, please visit my post here).

Here is a list of Wikipedia's October Awareness Month Campaigns: 

• National Brain Tumour Awareness Month (CAD)
• Black History Month (UK)
• National Book Month^[16]
• National Work and Family Month^[17]
• National Breast Cancer Awareness Month
• National CyberSecurity Awareness Month^[18]
• Filipino American History Month
• LGBT History Month
• National Bullying Prevention Month
• National Physical Therapy Month
• American Pharmacists Month
• Polish American Heritage Month
• National Arts and Humanities Month
• National Domestic Violence Awareness Month
• National Spina Bifida Awareness Month
• National Child Health Day
• Healthy Lung Month & Clean Air Month
• National Family Sexuality Education Month
• National Dental Hygiene Month
• Let's Talk Month
• National Down Syndrome Awareness Month
• Autism Awareness Month (Canada)
• Pastor Appreciation Month
• Arab American Heritage Month

Are you aware of any causes that have been missed?  Comment below with a link to a creditable website for the cause and I'll add it to Wikipedia for you. 

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